I had started to write this a couple of days ago but I was trying to do it on my tablet and yeah that was a no go. This is the first time I've had a chance to get on the computer and although I'm not as angry about it anymore I still feel it's worth writing about.
There is a certain person I know that we'll refer to as Idiot. Well Idiot is a single mom with three kids from two different dads. Not judging anyone in that situation but it's important in this story. She is unemployed and living off the state. She is capable of working or even going to school to get a good job but whenever she does one or the other she ends up quitting and getting herself fired and back on unemployment. That isn't even my main issue. My issue is that she has these three kids. The oldest two spend their day in daycare that is paid for by the state. Not sure for how long exactly but we'll assume it's a typical daycare schedule like she has had in the past from 8-4. So at most she has all three kids awake together for about 5 hours a day. Every weekend the oldest two are somewhere else...either with their dad and his family or with her parents. She does have the baby pretty much always on her own since sadly that baby's father wants nothing to do with her. Sometimes she is with her parents too but after she had the baby it seems like she isn't with them as much. Well the other day she is complaining about this and that online and then is complaining about how she needs someone to take the oldest two for the weekend because her parents will be away and she needs a break. A break!
I'm not saying having kids is easy and you don't deserve a break every once-in-a-while but when doesn't she have a break? You want to know when I have a break...when I go to work! That is my break! I have no babysitters...no family close enough to take my kids. My husband and I tag team parent which means that when he's at work I'm home and when I'm at work he is home so we don't go broke paying for daycare. We don't have days off together unless he is on vacation. We have two mornings off a week together but he is usually sleeping most of it and if he's not then one of us is running an errand that we can't do when we have both kids and the kids are mostly my responsibility. I love being a mom, I love my kids. I'm not complaining, but often I kind of feel like a single mom. I don't get the going to bed alone at night or taking all the financial burden on my own, but I get having kids by myself because that's what I do. That is my life. But it's not even that she says she needs a break or asks for a break that necessarily bothers me. It's that she demands, expects, and gets upset when she doesn't get it. I know for a fact that she didn't have the kids last weekend because I was with her parents and her parents had them. Now obviously their dad should do his share and should have his time with them. That is only fair to him and to the kids. I don't know what their arrangement is. Maybe it's not official...maybe it's every other weekend. I just don't get why you would have kids if you can't deal with having them for what amounts to a few hours a day during the week and all weekend too. It's not like she's working. She just can't deal with the stress of having all three. Well then you know how babies are made, maybe you should have done something instead of just continuing to pop them out. Oh that's right, you are proud of the fact that you had your third because the baby is the reason you got housing. Her words...not mine.
I get what the problem is here. She's being enabled by every possible source there is...family, state. It's not being done for her benefit but for the innocent kids who didn't ask to be born into this situation. It's an awful thing all around and there is no easy answer or easy solution. But it angers me. It angers me that she has these three children and she pawns them off every opportunity she can. She always has and probably always will. I'm angry at her for what she has become, I'm sad for the kids who deserve better. I guess I'm just lucky to want more out of life for myself and for my family than that. I hope one day that she wakes up and really realizes that she needs to change and not just say it like she always does. I will probably always hope for this because she was like a little sister to me. And maybe that's why it makes me so angry and so sad and so frustrated. Sometimes I blame myself. Maybe I should have done more for her early on before it all went so wrong. But I was selfish and too involved in my own life at the time to think about hers'. I hope one day that we can get back there. That we won't be so distant. That I won't just get angry every time she says something. I'm a forgiver almost to a fault but I haven't gotten past this yet and I don't think I will until something changes inside or her or I just accept her for who she is. And even if I just accept her, I'm not sure that's the kind of person I want in my life. So maybe I should just let go and move on, but I'm a hoper too so instead we'll stick with that and hope that one day it will get better even if it never does.
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