I've admittedly been pretty busy over the last week. Too busy to even check-in. Plus Mark is on vacation so I don't really like to sit and blog or really even play on the computer that much when he is off. So I've slacked on here, even when I had stuff to say, but today I'm making myself do it. I have a ton of errands to run and really need a shower but I'm getting this done before because if not I don't think I will.
I always lived by the mantra that 'life is fair if you make the best of it'. Basically if you sit around getting all depressed that things aren't turning out the way you wished they were or sit and covet what some other person has and wish it was you then of course life isn't going to seem fair. I could sit here and get all upset about how I don't have the ability to have babies whenever I feel like it. A new gymnastics friend has three kids 18 months apart and is trying for her fourth. I could never have that. Even though my infertility is an easy fix that still doesn't make it 'fair'. But I don't wallow in the self-pity of it. Where does that get me? It doesn't change the way things are. It just makes me mope around and be depressed and that's just not the way to live. Instead I take what I get and move on from it. Life is much more enjoyable when you have a more cheerful outlook.
But there are times...there are things that happen...that just anger me. Things that just plain aren't fair. I work with this woman who has two children that are around my age. She and I may not have always gotten along but in the seven years that I've worked with her I've come to respect her very much as a person. She is a very devoted mother and grandmother and she is an incredibly strong woman when it comes to practically everything in life. Well, her daughter who is 27 is sick. And not just have a flu and get over it sick, but leukemia sick. She's been fighting it off and on for 3ish years now. Hospital stays in Boston, stem-cell transplants, chemo and radiation. She has suffered through awful things while being away from her husband and two young daughters. For the past almost year she's been in remission and doing well. Her mother told me that they were making plans to go to New York and see a play. Then she started having bad pains and after a trip to the hospital and back down to Boston...the cancer is back. The cancer is back and in her bones and there really aren't any options left for her. Well there is a $10,000 experimental drug that they're waiting on insurance to approve but that is her last hope at this point. Otherwise this will likely be it for her.
It just all makes me sad, sad on so many levels. As a mother my heart breaks for her mother. I can't bare the thought of seeing my child go through that and die...completely helpless. My heart breaks for the girl who will be leaving her children. Leaving my kids in unfathomable to me. Then there are those two beautiful little girls who may lose their mother...the youngest who doesn't remember a time when her mother wasn't sick. It is truly not fair. There is no making the best of it or thinking more positively about it. It's just not fair. None of these people deserve this. There isn't one thing that any of them did so wrong to warrant this happening to them. I want so desperately to snap my fingers and make it all go away. To give them $10,000 that I don't have so that they can try that last drug. But I can't and I'm just helpless as everyone else is. I don't pray but I hope and I guess that's all I can do. I hope that for once life is fair for this girl and her family and that this horrible disease doesn't destroy their lives anymore. I hope because in a life that isn't always fair, sometimes it's the only option we have.